


we are all dreamers

by seokminsun



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, College, Fluff, M/M, Maybe heavy angst?? depends on how much you define as heavy, Meanie being cute and domestic, also cameos by jeon jeongguk and kim seokjin, alternative universe, did you mean: my reason to live, enjoy!!, this is basically my baby i wrote this in late january and it's march now wOW, warning: existential crisis may occur
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-12
Updated: 2017-03-12
Packaged: 2018-10-03 08:05:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10239770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seokminsun/pseuds/seokminsun
Summary: '"Kim Mingyu," he introduced himself."Jeon Wonwoo. I think we're gonna like each other, Mingyu."'For Jeon Wonwoo, the feeling of always lacking something has followed him around his all life, but when he meets Kim Mingyu, he finds out that love really can conquer everything.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!! This fic was inspired by a story my friend told me, so this is kinda based on that. Some things also was inspired by one of [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/2i6isz/redditors_who_have_been_in_a_coma_what_is_it_like/%20/) Reddit post comments. I would suggest not clicking on the link until you've read this fic, because spoilers!! ;) Anyways, I hope you all do enjoy this fic! :)
> 
> edit; i almost want to put "warning: existential crisis" on this fic because i experienced it a lot writing it and i don't want anyone who also gets existential crises easily to read this without knowing it! be safe everyone <3
> 
> (title taken from this poem: 
> 
> we are all dreamers,  
> wanting to be completely  
> out of touch with reality )

Wonwoo's childhood was a happy yet bleak one. He lived in a nice enough neighborhood, had some playdates and had loving parents that would often dote on him, probably because he was their only child. His mother and father would often make time of their busy day to read him books, play hide-and-seek and tell him stories, always with an easy smile on their face instead of a frown. Wonwoo liked pre-school, where he could play with his friends and learn things. He was the kid that would always raise their hand and ask questions about stuff they were supposed to learn a few years later. He was a bright kid, always thirsting for knowledge and always being happy doing homework. His teachers would often smile kindly at him and pet his head and tell him things like "You'll go far in life, Wonwoo".

Nothing special or extraordinary or even _fun_ happened, and of course, it didn't feel that way when he was a little child, but when he as a sixteen-year-old looked back at his childhood he always felt like there was a thin layer of a filter over his memories, of something bleak and lacking. He didn't know what that was because he had loving parents and childhood friendships still going strong. It just felt like ... something was missing. It was like he had a hole in his chest but didn't know how to fill it.

When he tried to explain his emotions to his mother, she frowned sympathetically and told him with a squeeze on the shoulder that it would get better. Maybe he was lacking a goal, a dream? But Wonwoo said _no, I already got a dream. I'm going to be a doctor and save people's lives._ His mother couldn't help him further because she was as lost as he was, so they left it at that.

Wonwoo tried to ignore the feeling the best he could, and it went pretty good. He focused on school and his finals. During the time senior finals took place was stressful for Wonwoo. Even though he had studied more than his fellow high school students had, he found both the finals and his friends stressful. Jihoon was normally calm and collected, but he would yell at anyone if they mentioned anything that had to do with the finals.

Even Lee Jihoon, the guy who's response to most things his friends freaked out over were a shrug and a " _it'll work out_ ", was stressed. Wonwoo didn't even want to think about Junhui and Soonyoung. They freaked out the week before the finals because they hadn't studied, and then they actually tried to study but ended up procrastinate the whole studying instead. That led to a bunch of desperate texts at one a.m, begging for summaries and tips.

Wonwoo did very well despite being in that anxious mood, so his scores were so high that he was able to get into a good med college. His parents were overjoyed with the news, of course, never excepting anything from their son or putting pressure on him to be something he didn't want to be, but being very happy when he told them he was going to be a doctor. "We've got such an amazing and ambitious son!" He heard his mother exclaim to his father with a smile in the kitchen. Wonwoo felt great that night, feeling very happy to be able to make his parents proud and pleased.

So, off he went to college. The first day was nerve-wracking. Leaving his suburban city for a big city and a big college where he knew no one was hard. He had shared a few tears and a goodbye hug with his parents the night before his first day, before leaving him to get settled and then explore the campus.

He was nervous before he met his roommate, he wanted to make a good impression and get along with him, but he calmed once they started talking. Hong Jisoo was a really nice person, Wonwoo noticed after ten minutes of talking to him. He seemed like a calm and stable person, not someone who would throw a wild party in their room or anything. He learned that Jisoo was only a year older than him and that he would introduce him to his friends Jeonghan and Seungcheol the next day, who were sophomores like him, assuring him that _they'd love you._

The weeks after the first were better. He became friends with the three sophomores quickly and with their help, he managed to memorize the school and avoid stupid people. His new friends were great, he felt very happy to have them, but he missed his childhood friends, who were all scattered across the country in different colleges. He often wrote in the group chat named _96line_ that they had created, and even though they all had stuff going on in college they kept in touch. Junhui often sent cute pictures of dogs or cats he walked by on the street, and Jihoon recommended different songs or artists. Soonyoung sent memes, that they all just ignored.

His college year passed slowly, but somehow in a blur too. He couldn't even remember all of it now in his third year of college, but he knew it was a lot of studying in the late hours and frequent coffee shop visits. It was in a coffee shop he met Kim Mingyu. In his junior year of college, the visits to the coffee shop nearby increased, along with Jisoo's warnings that he shouldn't drink so much caffeine, and it was on a fairly calm evening that he met Mingyu for the first time.

He had visited the old gang that day for a few hours in their old neighborhood, and it been so nice catching up with them all. They hadn't seen each other in about six months, though they had texted each other through the years. They talked about college, of course, complaining about the load of exams and whatnot, but also about Junhui's grandmother who still was as funny and kind as always, Jihoon's mixtape he was gonna hand in as his final project and Soonyoung's new part-time job at a dance studio where he taught little kids to dance. After the long taxi drive back to campus he figured he needed some coffee, since he had to study all night to compensate for the hours he spent with his friends. He got dropped off by the coffee shop and paid the nice taxi driver.

Wonwoo entered the shop and walked up to the short line to wait for his turn. When it was his turn to order, he was greeted by two warm, puppy-like eyes and brown, messy hair falling into his eyes. The guy behind the counter was strikingly handsome, and Wonwoo could literally feel his breath hitch in his throat. Call him cliche or dramatic or whatever, but the guy was so _unfairly_ good looking. Like, would it hurt to not almost blind people? Wonwoo didn't think it was fair, being that good-looking.

Ignoring the guy's blatant rudeness, Wonwoo ordered his coffee and got it handed to him with a big smile with sharp canine teeth poking out. _Dammit, cute barista, why do you have to be so perfect_ and _have cute teeth? Can't you just have really crooked and yellow teeth or something?_ Wonwoo thought with despair. He left the shop pretty quickly, his cheeks warm and his heart beating a little faster than it did before.

The second time he was there, the handsome guy was on his shift again. He was probably new, that would explain why Wonwoo hadn't seen him before. Wonwoo came up with the brilliant idea to just look at the barista's name tag to find out his name instead of wondering, so that's just what he did. _Mingyu_ was written with a smiley. _Cute guy, cute name_ , Wonwoo figured. He worked up the courage to ask Mingyu if he was in college, and Mingyu answered with a smile, "Yeah. This is a part-time job to afford my studies at the culinary school nearby." The boy could cook, too. Damn.

His friends noticed his even more frequent visits to the coffee shop, of course, and they teased him a lot in the beginning. When they visited with him though and saw the barista Wonwoo had mentioned they all swooned. "You gotta ask him out, dumbass!" Jeonghan scolded him with Seungcheol and Jisoo nodded in agreement behind him. It was at his seventh visit (not that he was counting or anything) that Wonwoo finally asked him out. They were at the name-age-majors-and-small-talk stage, but it was still pretty awkward.

"Hey, Mingyu..."

"Yes, Wonwoo?"

"I was wondering... If you would want ... I mean... Doyoumaybewannagooutwithmetoamovie?"

"What did you say?"

"You'rereallycutepleasedateme."

"What was that?"

"CAN I TAKE YOU OUT FOR DINNER THIS WEEKEND!"

Despite him almost shouting in a peaceful coffee shop with half the people looking scandalized and the other half laughing at him, he actually got pretty lucky. Mingyu said yes. When Wonwoo got back to his room to study, Jisoo hugged him and smiled like a proud mother.

The first date was both amazing and awkward. Wonwoo felt a little bit awkward because he felt a pressure to be fun and talk a lot, but somehow Mingyu made him feel more at ease as the hours passed. Maybe it was the way Mingyu would try to resist to smile but failed and gave in fully, or his deep eyes that took Wonwoo's words seriously when he talked about his major and his goals in the future. Maybe it was the way he laughed, throwing his head back in a carefree and light laugh, leaving Wonwoo dizzy. Maybe it was the way he would have a smile in his voice when he talked about his dog back home who he loved dearly. Whatever it was, it worked, because by the end of their date Wonwoo was fully relaxed, his cheeks tinted red and his stomach hurting from laughing.

He went home that night with the feeling a kiss still lingering on his cheek, his steps light and an easy, dreamy smile on his face. Jisoo raised an eyebrow. Wonwoo didn't answer his question in favor of flopping down on the bed happily. He was asleep in five minutes.

The second date went even better, the third they ended up in Wonwoo's dorm, the fourth they met at Mingyu's dorm at the college a bit away from Wonwoo's. As time passed and Wonwoo's feelings for Mingyu grew, he could feel the world becoming more colorful, little by little. It was as if the world was all dull and dim colors before he met Mingyu, and now the world was an explosion of colors.

After months, when Mingyu and Wonwoo officially became boyfriends, Wonwoo noticed another thing. The feeling of lacking something wasn't that strong anymore. It was still there, but he could feel it shrinking a little each day. They matched each other, just like a puzzle. Where Wonwoo was relatively quiet, Mingyu was loud. Where Wonwoo looked uninterested or blank at some things, Mingyu always had an expression of excitement on his face. Where Wonwoo's love was quiet and deep, just like the sea, Mingyu's love was bright and warm, like the sun. But the most importantly; Mingyu made Wonwoo content, happy and warm. It was all he'd ever wanted.

After a year in their relationship, the feeling of contentedness and happiness and warmth hadn't disappeared, it was actually growing stronger the more time spent with Mingyu and the more he found out about him. His habits, his private thoughts he would confess at two a.m and the way he smiled made Wonwoo's heart grow bigger for him. He was excited to post a selfie on their one year anniversary, to show everyone that Mingyu was his and he was Mingyu's. Of course, their friends were all gushing about it in the comments sections.

 **naegah0sh** : if this ain't the cutest shit i've seen.... congratulations you guys!!  
**junhuiwen** : aww!! that's so precious!!  
**lee.jihoon** : this is so cheesy i'm gonna barf  
**jisoohong** : Ah, young love. Don't forget to take things slow and take care of your hearts!  
**1004angel** : #proudmom also, @choi_seungcheol you owe me.  
**choi_seungcheol** : @1004angel @k.mingyu @jeonwonu WONWOO WHY DID YOU HAVE TO POST THE ROMANTIC PICTURE MINGYU WAS SUPPOSED TO DO IT DAMMIT

Wonwoo switched major in his fourth year, feeling already worn out by the major and figuring he didn't have the patience or the endurance to study that many years to become a doctor. Instead, he switched major to a dentist degree that would take four years instead. At this time, Mingyu graduated from culinary school and there were debates on how they should do things next. Mingyu wanted to work in a local restaurant for a few years before opening up his own place, and Wonwoo still had four years left in college. To solve the problem of money and the issue that they wouldn't be able to see each other much, they rented an apartment together in the city which excitement near both Wonwoo's college and the restaurant Mingyu got offered a job.

It was perfect since Wonwoo wanted to spend as much time as he could with Mingyu. It was okay with Jisoo, he promised and added jokingly, "Go with your night in shining armor now!". Time passed, as time tended to do, and Wonwoo couldn't believe how much Mingyu got intertwined in his daily life. He would wake up beside the man, limbs tangled together and arms numb from different sleeping positions. They would then cuddle and kiss each other lazily until they had to go to work and college, and in the breaks between classes Wonwoo would text him and complain about the teachers or the work or that he missed him.

After school, Wonwoo would sometimes come home early to an empty apartment and cook dinner if he was feeling especially brave and sure that he wouldn't blow up the kitchen or make instant noodles to eat with Mingyu when he returned from work. They would eat together, talk about their day and laugh together at some silly thing Mingyu had done that day, like sneezing in his hand and then shaking hands with the restaurant's owner. They would spend time just lazing around, putting on movies in the living room with Mingyu watching intently and Wonwoo studying beside him.

Of course, things weren't sunshine all the time. There were times where Wonwoo had to put his assignments and exams before Mingyu to be able to pass the course, times where the late nights wore Wonwoo down and resulting in him in a really bad mood. There were times when they started to bicker about which channel they should watch that then escalates to a full-on war, built up frustrations and sadness bursting out of the men.

It wasn't sunshine all the time, because there were times Mingyu said he couldn't do it, he couldn't be together with Wonwoo because it was like being together with someone that's not really there. There were times when all Wonwoo wanted to do was to shout and hurl a vase into the wall. There were times when they reunited after a week of being apart, Mingyu taking a vacation from his job to go away to his sister's house to calm down. They would cry and apologizes would start come tumbling out their mouths at the same time, then hug and be grateful they had each other.

There were rough times too, but every time they were at their lowest, they knew they'd be alright. With each other by their side.

(One night, their fight had been terrible over the fact that Wonwoo had forgotten to make food for Mingyu when he came home from a long shift at the restaurant. Wonwoo had promised on text he would cook something, and make that night their date because he knew Mingyu was tired and stressed out from all the working overtime, but he forgot. They fought, voices raising higher and higher in volume and soon it wasn't just Mingyu being disappointed and tired with Wonwoo, it was him yelling out his frustrations on the only person available at the time: Wonwoo. Wonwoo gave back the same stuff, because he was regretful that he forgot their date but he didn't want to get yelled at over nothing and he was tired, too.

Hours later, when they had stormed off in different directions and spent time fuming and slowly calming down, they came out from their hiding places and sat beside each other against the wall. The ground was cold and hard, but Wonwoo didn't mind it when he felt Mingyu slipping his hands into Wonwoo's and intertwining their fingers together. He didn't mind at all when they whispered regretful and sad _sorrys_ and Mingyu kissed his fingers one at a time. They had a silent conversation where they apologized and forgave each other.

They decided to cook together, having that date after all. When Mingyu smeared dough over Wonwoo's face with a laugh and told him how stupid they were for even fighting in the first place, Wonwoo smiled and nodded in agreement. He responded with a soft _I'm glad that even when we fight, we always find our ways back to each other._. The rest of the night was perfect in its imperfection, built up frustrations, and hurtful things yelled already forgotten.)

Wonwoo wouldn't know what he'd do without Mingyu in his life, and even during their fights, he felt so lucky to have Mingyu. Being able to kiss him, spend a lazy morning in bed with him, kissing his shoulder and having his arms around Mingyu's waist while making pancakes together. Mingyu understood him; he would open his arms when he saw how tired Wonwoo was after a long day, he would laugh of pure joy when Wonwoo told him that he passed his course, and he'd kiss Wonwoo so passionately he thought his heart would burst. Mingyu's made Wonwoo's life so much better in many ways, and Wonwoo was grateful.

Wonwoo and Mingyu continued to live with each other happily, and college was still hard. It was exhausting and Wonwoo spent too many nights debating whether to quit or not, but he always decided not to when he saw Mingyu sleeping soundly on the living room couch. He wanted to have a good job, to be able to spoil Mingyu with flowers and romantic dinners out more often. He also thought of the possibility of kids. They hadn't talked about it yet, it was too early, but Wonwoo knew that Mingyu loved home visits and would like to adopt in the future. Wonwoo thought kids were a handful, but he could imagine having one if it was with Mingyu.

"Hyung, can you get me the butter?" Mingyu asked while whisking the pancake batter one calm Monday morning.

"Sure," Wonwoo opened the fridge and took out the butter before closing it again. He put the butter on the counter and then walked up behind his boyfriend. He put his arms around Mingyu's waist and leaned his head against his shoulder. Mingyu hummed appreciatively and Wonwoo grinned, starting to kiss the side of his face, from his cheeks down to his neck. When Wonwoo started to kiss his neck with more passion Mingyu whined, "Hyyyyung, I'm making pancakes, we can't do this right now". Wonwoo stopped but tightened his hold around Mingyu.

"Can you stop calling me hyung?" He murmured against Mingyu's shoulder, saying the thought that had been on his mind a while out loud. The latter twisted his head to look at him.

"Why? You are my hyung," Mingyu asked with raised eyebrows.

"It's just," Wonwoo said and already felt color rushing to the tips of his ears. "Other people call each other pet names, like honey, darling, baby and stuff. You just call me hyung. Shouldn't we have cute nicknames too?"

He felt embarrassed to say that, and the feeling intensified, even more, when Mingyu laughed.

"What should I call you then, significant other?" Mingyu teased with his canine teeth poking out in a big smile. "My boo? My one and only? My prince?"

Wonwoo cringed at the nicknames and sighed, regretted ever saying that he wanted a pet name.

"Why, hyung? Why do you want a pet name?" Mingyu asked, but this time his tone was gentler and not as teasing as before, probably noticing Wonwoo's sigh and frown.

"Couples have nicknames for each other, and that is how people know they're together, right? I want... I want everyone to know that you're my boyfriend and that I'm yours. If you call me hyung, it's like other people wouldn't know that we're together. That I'm just a hyung to you, and nothing else," Wonwoo said in a rush, at this point being really embarrassed and flushed in front of his boyfriend. He turned his eyes towards the ground, being too embarrassed to meet Mingyu's eyes.

Suddenly, Mingyu turned around so that he stood face to face with Wonwoo. He took hold of Wonwoo's chin and lifted it so that he looked at him. "Wonwoo hyung," he said seriously. "You're my favorite hyung in the whole world. I don't need any nicknames to prove that, and what does it matter what people think? If they can't hear or see how much you mean to me, then it's their problem. Okay?"

Wonwoo held his gaze before nodding, a slow smile spreading on his face. Mingyu returned the smile with sparkling eyes, and before Wonwoo could say anything else Mingyu drew him in for a deep kiss.

"Besides, I wouldn't do this to my other hyungs, would I?"

Needless to say, the pancakes had to wait a while.

 

* * *

  

Time seemed to move quickly because suddenly it was graduation day for Wonwoo. He was so happy to finally his degree, and he could now go over to Dental Degree Program. Four more years and then he could get his license and start working as a dentist for real. Wonwoo was now 26 years old, and Mingyu 25 years old. After getting his diploma, Mingyu ran to Wonwoo like in some cheesy drama and wrapped his arms and legs around him. Wonwoo, while feeling embarrassed, laughed and buried his face in Mingyu's shoulder. They laughed together and kissed with big, stupid smiles on their faces. It was a wonderful day.

Mingyu was done with his experience with working in the local restaurant. He was finally ready to open up his life-long dream restaurant. He was excited for months, practically jumping up and down as soon as he talked about his restaurant. Mingyu's parents had saved up in case something like this happened and he needed money, and with that money, he planned on spending it on a place, furnishing, ingredients and cooking items. He and Wonwoo looked for potential places and after three months they finally found it; a quite big, old restaurant that had been shut down fifteen years ago. It was perfect because it was big enough for a restaurant, relatively cheap, and it had a great location. They only needed one visit at the place and then they had decided to buy it.

Mingyu was over the roof, of course, and Wonwoo didn't mind. He smiled at his boyfriend's happiness. They started to patch the place up, renovating it with the help of their friends. After a year of hard work, it was finally done. The restaurant was cozy, with wooden tables, fairy lights hanging from the roof and old antics they'd found while renovating the place. After working on different menus, staff and the registration Mingyu opened the place to the public. The sign over the door said "SEVENTEEN". When Mingyu had asked Wonwoo what he thought about the name, he asked, "Why seventeen?" Mingyu smiled and said fondly, "It's when I realized cooking was my true calling."

Hiring people turned out to be more tricky than they both originally had thought. They had to have good CVs, have charisma and being able to come up with good dishes. Needless to say, Mingyu was becoming frustrated after the sixth person he had interviewed didn't qualify. However, a few days Mingyu came home with an excited smile.

"Hyung, hyung! Guess what?"

"What?"

"I've hired two guys! Their names are Boo Seungkwan and Choi Hansol, and they got all the three things I'm looking for! Isn't it wonderful?"

It was. Slowly but steadily Mingyu hired more staff. A guy named Seokmin was employed after he came to the under-the-radar restaurant and loved it. More interviews followed and two other guys named Minghao and Chan were hired. Suddenly there were six chefs including Mingyu, and Mingyu deemed it to be enough. He hired waitresses and bought more fancy furniture and a jukebox to put in the corner of the restaurant. Now, after years of chasing after his dream, it was finally here. Mingyu finally had a nice restaurant with chefs and waitresses. He was so happy, Wonwoo could tell. The business was slow but it grew every day.

It was in the restaurant Wonwoo proposed to Mingyu. He had thought about marrying Mingyu for years now but wanted to wait to make sure Mingyu really wanted to be with him. After being together with him for seven years, Wonwoo knew that both him and Mingyu wanted to spend the rest of their lives together. Wonwoo went out to shop for rings with Seungcheol, who seemed like a guy who'd know about this stuff. Seungcheol was actually excellent help and it didn't take long to find a ring that Wonwoo knew would fit Mingyu: a simple silver ring with a ruby stone imbedding.

When he proposed, it was during a calm evening in the restaurant. Wonwoo chose to propose in SEVENTEEN restaurant because it was their favorite place: it meant so much to Mingyu and ultimately, so much to Wonwoo. He walked up to his boyfriend and took his hand when Mingyu looked up at him.

"What's up, babe?"

He opened the ring box and got on his knee. All the customers and staff went quiet, turning their gazes to them. Wonwoo took a deep breath. "Kim Mingyu. I've loved you since the first time I saw you. I don't believe in love at first sight, but I do believe you nestled your way into my heart the very time I saw you, and you've never left. You know I'm not really that romantic, but I think we're soulmates. There's no other way to describe how I feel about you. So, Kim Mingyu, my soulmate, the love of my life, will you marry m-"

"YES!"

Mingyu had interrupted him with tears in his eyes and his bottom lip quivering. Wonwoo stood up and released a breath, all the nervousness leaving his body, relief and excitement taking its place. He placed the ring on Mingyu's finger, and it was such a beautiful sight. Wonwoo tried to resist the urge to cry, but when they kissed his tears found their way down to his mouth and it tasted salt, but in a good way. They kissed to the customers and staff applauding them and the jukebox in the corner blasting an upbeat song.

"This is so frickin' beautiful," Seungkwan sobbed into Hansol's shirt. Wonwoo just had to agree.

 

* * *

 

Planning a wedding was hard because it took a lot of time and the two people had to agree or at least compromise on the main things. It took them a few months to plan their wedding, and they got a lot of help from their friends and family. They had gotten frustrated over the tiniest things and details many times and a lot of small argues took place, but it was still okay. It was all worth it, Wonwoo thought, as they walked down the aisle hand in hand, smiling lovingly and nervously at each other. It had been worth it, he knew, when they sealed their marriage with a kiss and the applauds and cheers from their friends and family as a background noise. It had been worth it, Wonwoo was sure, when he clasped Mingyu's hand and looked him deep into the eyes, two brown eyes staring back at him with such love and utter adoration that it took his breath away. It had been worth it all.

Two years passed in their marriage and it was so good, being married to Kim Mingyu. The restaurant was doing good and Wonwoo continued his studies, and somehow they made their marriage work between their busy schedules. Wonwoo was suspicious because it all seemed a little good, but when he voiced his concerns to Mingyu one night on their couch, the latter laughed that wonderful laugh that made Wonwoo's heart skip a beat. Mingyu said with a reassuring smile, _It's okay, babe, a lot of people feels that way. It's even a phobia, being afraid of happiness because they think something negative will happen because of that. But hyung, relax, enjoy this moment right here and now. If something bad happens, we still got each other, right? I'll never leave you._ That convinced Wonwoo and he went back to kissing his husband.

Wonwoo finished his Dental Degree and could now move onto to actual work in the field, and Mingyu's restaurant was blooming. While there were times money was tight and it had them stressing out, they still remained happy with each other. They met up with their friends: Wonwoo's childhood friends, his friends from college and guys from the restaurant. They were a rowdy bunch, and Wonwoo first didn't think the eleventh boys wouldn't get along because they were all so different in their own ways, but they got along really well, hitting off immediately. Wonwoo felt such joy and happiness because of that. _Who knew, maybe we thirteen guys had been a boy band in another life_ , Wonwoo thought with an amused smile. He shook his head, though, because he could _not_ imagine them all dancing and singing together.

 

* * *

 

Now, with Wonwoo getting a stable job and Mingyu's restaurant going well, they started discussing having a child. They both thought it was about time, and they both wanted one (Wonwoo growing fond of the idea more and more). They started looking on adoption sites, and after months of talking to various adoption agencies, they found one that they liked. They talked to them and after dozens of appointments and home-visits, they were finally put on a waiting list. After a year or so they got the news that made both Wonwoo and Mingyu cry: they were adopting a baby girl. The adoption center had been at their house, they had been to several appointments and doctors checks, and _finally_ they would get their child.

Both were ecstatic; While being uncertain if he was going to be a good father, Wonwoo was just as excited as Mingyu about the baby. They went out to buy a lot of things for the baby, like a crib, diapers, baby food and milk substitute, a stroller and a bunch of other things. Their families and friends were happy for them, often coming around to talk and help them babyproof the house. A few short months later, they went to the adoption center to get their baby.

When Wonwoo first laid eyes on her, he couldn't believe how small and beautiful she was. She had a round, soft face with small, chocolate brown eyes that was looking curiously at them. Her mouth was perfectly shaped, with a red, healthy-looking shade to it. Her cheeks were round and squishy, and Wonwoo could already imagine playing with them. She had a little cute nose, just like a button. When the lady with a kind smile handed her over to her two nervous parents, they held her in their arms with tears in their eyes and smiles of wonders on their faces.

"Her name is Jooeun, and she's a healthy baby of five months. Do you want me to get her papers and blanket?"

"Yes please," Mingyu croaked out.

When the lady was gone, Mingyu looked up from their baby with tear eyes to Wonwoo. "I can't believe this. She's ours, hyung."

"I know," Wonwoo managed to get out and hugged them. His husband and his daughter. He couldn't believe this either. "She's perfect."

During the ride home, Mingyu and Wonwoo switched from holding and bouncing her. Wonwoo was still afraid that he would hurt her or make her cry and not be a good dad to her, but with Mingyu's eyes reassuring him and the baby sleeping sound asleep in his lap, he was sure that he would give it all he could.

Along with a baby comes sleepless nights and days full of crying. It was tiring, having a baby, and it took all of their strength. Wonwoo and Mingyu took turns in getting up to try to get her to sleep, and when they got back after thirty minutes with tired eyes and messy hair the other would comfort him with a hug. It was hard and tiring, but all the times where Jooeun would smile so beautifully at Wonwoo or just cry, with big tears dripping from her nose and making her look fragile, he found it hard to regret it even once.

 

* * *

 

One night, Jooeun was impossible to calm down and she wouldn't stop crying no matter what Wonwoo did. He bounced her, sang to her, fed her, told her stories but nothing worked. After an hour of trying to get her to stop crying Mingyu came in like a knight in shining armor in her room. He took her from Wonwoo with a hand on his arm and a comforting, "I got her from here. You've tried for an hour, I'll try now. Go back to bed, honey."

Wonwoo hadn't the strength to resist the wonderful-sounding offer so he went back to bed with guilty yet relieved thoughts. He was about to close his eyes when the lamp on his desk caught his attention. He couldn't put his finger on it at first, but after staring at it a little he was convinced it was something very wrong with it. Its features were twisted and it wasn't... three dimensional, somehow. The longer he looked, the more captivated he got by the lamp. When Mingyu came into their bedroom some time later, his eyes was still glued to it.

"Honey? What is it?" Mingyu asked, concerned. "It took an hour to get her to sleep, haven't you fallen asleep yet?"

Wonwoo didn't answer, and Mingyu's frown deepened. "Hyung? What are you looking at?"

"The lamp," Wonwoo said with a hoarse voice. "It's something wrong with it."

He could see Mingyu giving him a concerned look from the corner of his eye. "How is it wrong?"

Wonwoo didn't take his eyes off the lamp. "It's not normal," he whispered.

Mingyu snuggled up to him and wrapped his arms around his waist. "Are you okay, honey?"

Wonwoo nodded and said absently, "Yeah".

Mingyu snuggled into his neck. "Let's go to bed. Let's sleep, okay? You'll feel better when you wake up, I promise."

Wonwoo nodded, but he stayed up all night anyways, staring with red and bleary eyes in darkness at the lamp.

Wonwoo wasn't there when Jooeun said her first word, he was at work examining a patient's teeth when he got a text from Mingyu. After the examination, he looked at the text and his stomach dropped when he saw the words "hyung, Jooeun said her first word!! Dinosaur!!" with various excited smiles at the end. Wonwoo bit his lips when he clicked on the image attached to the text, feeling himself tearing up when he saw Jooeun's round baby cheeks pulled up with a lovely smile. He felt a stab in his chest, thinking that _he_ should be there, right beside Mingyu as their daughter spoke her first word.

Wonwoo's assistance pulled him out of his thoughts with a tap on his shoulders, and he puts down his phone with a sigh. He was sad to come home, thinking about how he had missed one of his daughter's most important milestones in life, but the regret and pouting expression melted a little by the matching smiles Mingyu and Jooeun wore when he came home.

The second time she spoke, though, he was there. It was a peaceful Saturday morning, Wonwoo and Jooeun being alone at home because of Mingyu rushing to the restaurant for some crisis happening over Hansol accidently spilling super hot chili into some of the customer's bowls of pasta. Wonwoo and Jooeun were sitting on the floor in the living room, Wonwoo playing and doing funny voices with her toys to make her laugh. She laughed in that adorable way kids do, giggly and excited and with so much joy. She tried to grab the toys, but Wonwoo would just dodge and say in a raspy and grumpy voice, "You didn't get me just yet, princess!"

It was when Jooeun finally had caught the toy with a triumph smile and sparkling eyes that they settled on the couch together, Jooeun on Wonwoo's lap as she held her new storybook in her small hands. Wonwoo began reading to her and Jooeun clapped her hands, delighted. He was halfway into the short storybook when Jooeun said in a sleepy voice, "D-dada". Wonwoo froze, looking down at his daughter with an expression of surprise.

"What did you say?" He said carefully, not wanting to have misheard and jumping to conclusion.

"Dada," Jooeun said, more confidently this time. She looked upwards, craning her neck. She smiled a precious, sleepy smile that was made Wonwoo's heart ache.

"Aww, honey," Wonwoo replied, tightening his hold of her. He couldn't stop the fond smile overtook his face. "You're my little baby, you know that? And I'm your dada."

He could her breathing getting slower and longer, and he decided to put her to bed. She was probably exhausted from being awake more than usual. He put her in her crib and kissed her soft forehead gently before turning off the lights and leaving with an, "I love you, sleep tight."

When Mingyu came home, it was his turn to pout over missing their child's second word. The third time she spoke, they both were there, cheering her on with smiles of proud parents.

 

* * *

  

Jooeun's birthday was on Valentine's Day and it was a beautiful morning when Mingyu whistled to her that, _Your birthday is on Valentine's Day, and that's because you're so loved by your daddies._ while cooking breakfast. Wonwoo and Mingyu were ecstatic because it was her first birthday and they had had her almost seven months now. They just wanted to shower her with affection, give her kisses on the nose and hold her so that she feels safe and warm and loved. They're actually parents now, Wonwoo thought as he looked upon the fairytale morning; Mingyu frying eggs in the pan and humming a tune with a soft smile, Jooeun sitting in her high chair and clapping her little hands and laughing whenever Wonwoo made silly faces at her. Wonwoo smiled at the thought.

"Soo," Mingyu dragged out the words and looked expectantly at his daughter with raised eyebrows. "Don't you want your presents now, baby girl?"

"D-dada," Jooeun said and clapped her hands, delighted. "Dada! Give ... me!"

Wonwoo raised an eyebrow, amused. "So bossy for such a little kid," he teased but Jooeun didn't notice. She looked at Mingyu with a serious look on her face, determination written in the crease of her eyebrows.

"I'll get them, I'll get them," Mingyu laughed and shook his head.

"Do you need any help, babe?" Wonwoo asked and stood up, but Mingyu waved him off and went into their bedroom. Wonwoo looked down at his daughter and lowered himself to her level. He looked into her chocolate brown, sincere and innocent eyes with his heart feeling as it might burst in his chest.

"Jooeun, honey, we love you, you know that? Daddy and I, we've always been happy together, but with you in our lives, we're so much happier than we ever could imagine. Do you understand that, honey? I had never imagined raising such a beautiful daughter with such a loving husband, but here I am, so incredibly happy," he said and took hold of her chubby cheeks. She laughed as he pinched them lightly. "We love you so much, and you've given us so much love in our lives too. Don't ever forget that, okay? I wouldn't want to be anywhere else."

Mingyu walked into the kitchen and looked at Wonwoo. "Jagiyaaaa, I want to hear your heartfelt speeches too! Why does only Jooeun get to listen to theeem?" He whined with a smile on his face. Wonwoo smirked and stood up, before tugging his husband closer by the belt loops of his jeans.

"I love you, idiot." He said and Mingyu pouted playfully. "So much." They kissed softly but got interrupted nearly straight away by a shriek. Jooeun was flapping her arms, begging her dads to pull away and give her attention. They did, but Wonwoo didn't let go without a kiss on Mingyu's nose that made him blush happily.

"I can't believe you're thirty, you literally act like five," Wonwoo teased as they opened Jooeun's presents. He received a "hey!" from Mingyu and a giggle from Jooeun. That day was perfect in its simplicity. Just Wonwoo, Mingyu and Jooeun together. Wonwoo liked it that way.

 

* * *

  

Wonwoo didn't know that his whole life would change that day when he walked into his office on a Tuesday morning, coffee cup in hand and a tired expression on his face. He didn't know that the world wouldn't ever be the same again for him again.

Wonwoo dealt with scared patients and a lot of paperwork through the day. He was at the end of his work day when he received a text from ♥husband♥ which read: _Hyung, Jooeun misses you! Take care on your way and come home soon, okay? Love you!! [jooeunpoutin.jpg]_

Wonwoo smiled, looking forward to coming home and play with his daughter and kiss his husband. He texted back a simple "I'll be home in a few hours, love you guys.<3" and then continued working with his paperwork.

After a while, he felt exhaustion seep into his bones so he went to the coffee room to get himself a cup of coffee to get focused again. He stopped walking mid-step, feeling weird somehow. Something was off, he could feel it. He felt like he wasn't _there_ and by now his colleagues had walked up to him and asked him how he felt, if he has a fever and if he needs something. He didn't answer, instead, he looked at the ground. It looked wobbly, and like it was moving. Before he could do or say anything, he fell and everything went black.

 

* * *

 

Wonwoo came back to consciousness to the sounds of beeping machines and white, stark light. He didn't want to open his eyes because it was too loud and too bright even with his eyes closed. He felt a gigantic headache coming on. He heard voices mumbling around him but he was still too out of it to wanting to see who was talking.

He drifted out and in dreams and some were nightmares, with someone breathing down his neck in a dark alley, and some were good dreams, like Mingyu smiling at him with that breathtaking smile, and Jooeun giggling happily when Wonwoo played with her. Fragments of different things, times and emotions danced on his eyelids.

He didn't know how much time had passed since he the last time he half woke up, but he could see from his eyelids it wasn't that light anymore. He tried to blink awake but his eyes were glued shut to the point that it was painful to try to open them. A hand took his after a few tries of opening his eyes and he found it reassuring. After a couple more minutes he finally opened his eyes. He blinked, feeling like he had just woken up from a long, long dream. He looked around slowly, taking in the bed he was laying in, the windows where he saw darkness outside and the stars, and the different machines beside him. He was in a hospital. _How did I get here?_ He looked to his left, where three of his friends sat and looked at him with emotion so heavily carved into their faces that Wonwoo couldn't decipher them.

"Wonwoo!" Soonyoung shouted, almost throwing himself at Wonwoo. Jisoo held him back by his arm to stop him from tackling Wonwoo. Seungcheol stood behind Jisoo and held hands with Jeonghan, both crying ugly and coming around the hospital bed to wrap their arms around Wonwoo.

"Wonwoo, thank god... I thought...I thought you wouldn't wake up..." Jeonghan sobbed against Wonwoo's neck, and Seungcheol nodding along. Jisoo and Soonyoung hugged him too, both mumbling things like "I'm so relieved", "I was so worried", "I've missed you so much" and "You're here, you're safe".

Wonwoo hadn't been able to speak because of his friends' ramblings and the hugs that suffocated him, but also because his throat felt clogged up, like he hadn't spoken in months. He tried it, and his friends all withdrew to hear him what he was about to say. When he tried to speak, he looked at his friends' face again. _Really_ looked at them. They looked.... so much younger than usual. They looked five, seven years younger, all of them. Their faces were much softer and the wrinkles of stress hadn't taken their place on their faces, like life hadn't gotten to them yet. He frowned and decided to voice his thought.

"You guys... look so young," he croaked out, his voice hoarse. Jisoo dabbed at his eyes and chuckled lightly.

"Your first words when you wake up," Seungcheol said with a tired and sad smile.

Wonwoo looked around again and suddenly noticed that neither Mingyu nor Jooeun was there. He frowned once again, his stomach churning of anxiety. Something was wrong.

"Where's Mingyu? And Jooeun?" He asked, and tried to sit up. Soonyoung and Jeonghan helped him up while giving him a weird look.

"Who?" Soonyoung asked, the question written on his face. Wonwoo cleared his voice, boding something bad.

"Mingyu, and Jooeun. Where are they?" He asked once again. Seungcheol and Jeonghan looked at him with concern, but it was Jisoo who spoke.

"Who are Mingyu and Jooeun, Wonwoo? Can you please specify?"

Wonwoo sighed, frustrated. His friends knew them, why wouldn't they just tell him where they were! "Mingyu, my husband, and Jooeun, my daughter. What's with you guys? Why won't you just tell me where they are?"

"Wonwoo," Seungcheol said carefully. "You don't have a husband or a daughter."

"Yes I do," Wonwoo argued, voice turning more desperate. "You've met them! Seungcheol, you use to babysit Jooeun when Mingyu and I are at work. Come on, this joke isn't funny."

Soonyoung stared at him seriously and said with urgency, "Wonwoo, how old are you?"

"Thirty-three," he answered, confused. "Why?"

They all visibly paled and shook their heads. "No, you're not," Jeonghan said quietly after a tense silence. "You're a twenty-year-old med student, aspiring to be a doctor. You don't know anyone named Mingyu, Wonwoo."

"What? No! I'm thirty-three. Where are Mingyu, Soonyoung? Please don't do this to me. Please. I just want to see him." Wonwoo clung desperately to Soonyoung's arms, and Jeonghan called for the nurses. They came into the room and started injecting something in his vein, murmuring "you'll be okay", "that'll make you calmer" and "it's for the anxiety".

"Seungcheol," Wonwoo turned to his friend with tears in his eyes, voice choked. "What happened?"

Seungcheol then began talking with a rough voice, saying that Wonwoo had been in a coma for about four months. He said quietly that Wonwoo had gotten into a car crash, that a truck had driven into the taxi Wonwoo was in and resulting in him losing consciousness and coming in a coma. The driver was fine, Seungcheol assured him, just some minor bruises, but it was Wonwoo who took the hit. The truck had crashed into the back of the car, where he sat, and it was a miracle that he even survived the crash. He said that the doctors managed to get him stable, but they didn't know when he would wake up. That was when Wonwoo protested.

"No, that can't be right. Stop _lying_ to me. I wasn't in a car accident! _Why are you lying to me!_ " He was getting hysterical, despite the calming drugs, and Jeonghan rubbed his back soothingly.

"Yes, you were," Seungcheol said with tears pooling in his corner of his eyes. "I'm so sorry Wonwoo, but you were."

" _No_ ," he shook his head, now determined. "No, I wasn't. I can't have been! I would have remembered it!"

Jisoo interjected with a calm voice. "What was the last thing you remember?"

Wonwoo stopped, and _really_ thought for a second. His mind was a tangled mess, with his thoughts like thick spider webs he had to walk through. He remembered Mingyu's text. He remembered Jooeun's birthday the days before that day at the office where he blacked out, how she had laughed with that sweet, sweet smile. But then, he remembered something else. Sitting in a car. The driver looking at him through the rear way mirror and smiling kindly at him, asking where to. He remembers texting the _96line_ group chat, telling them that he was almost back at campus safe and sound. But then... Nothing. Blackness. Except that he remember his first encounter with Mingyu, how breathtaking he looked in that moment. He remembers his dates with Mingyu and all that came after.

It felt as the memories with Mingyu was like a dream... The taxi drive to his college, he could remember clearly and with certainty. But his memories with Mingyu... they seemed out of reach of his mind, the memories slipping away from him the more he thought of them. They felt faded.

He thought he was going to be sick. _No... No...It can't be..._

He put his hands in his hands with despair and Soonyoung hugged him. "It's okay, it's okay..." Soonyoung kept murmuring, but Wonwoo knew it wasn't. Somehow, it wasn't and probably never would be again.

"I-I remember sitting in that taxi. But then, it feels like my memories aren't real anymore. I remember going to the coffee shop beside the college, getting some coffee. It was there I met M-Mingyu." He bit his lips. Jisoo squeezed his arms comfortingly and told him the doctor would explain everything.

The doctor came after a while into his room, greeted him and telling him that it was a miracle he was awake right now. She then asked Wonwoo to tell him everything that he remembered, and Wonwoo took a deep breath before telling the story from the beginning. His childhood, the feeling of always lacking something, meeting Mingyu, dating him, switching majors, beginning his Dental Degree, Mingyu starting the restaurant, getting married, Jooeun's adoption and her birthday. He finished with that day when he passed out in his office.

The doctor listened to the whole story and nodded gravely, and when Wonwoo finished she finally spoke up.

"It seems like you dreamt about ten years of your life during your coma. It's normal to dream during comas, but this was a very specified and long dream. I presume your mind knew that you needed something to keep your body going."

"Doctor," Wonwoo cleared his voice. "I can't remember crashing or anything like that."

She nodded. "It seems like while getting in the accident, your mind made it seem like it didn't happen and you just continued on with your life. In that dream-life, you never crashed, and you got to the coffee shop safely. Your mind was probably just trying to protect you, from the traumatizing truth."

By now, there were tears streaming down Wonwoo's cheeks, a lump in his throat. Jeonghan squeezed his hand. "So Mingyu d-don't exist? And Jooeun?"

The doctor shook her head, a sympathetic expression. "I'm sorry, but I don't think so. Maybe your mind picked a random stranger on the street you'd seen sometime before the accident, and made him your life long partner in that dream."

Wonwoo felt something in his chest snap and suddenly he couldn't breathe. The doctor started backing out of the room. "Well, I have to go now, but we'll check up on you. We're going to go through a plan with you for the coming months so you can go to rehab and be able to recover fully."

"Thank you," Seungcheol said to the doctor, shaking her hands frantically. She smiled sadly at him.

"It's my job," she said and then turned to Wonwoo. "Oh, and Mr. Jeon, I'm sorry for your loss. I understand that the love you felt for your husband and daughter in your dream was as real as my love for my husband and son, so I'm terribly sorry."

Wonwoo didn't know how to answer to that, so he simply nodded. "Thank you. For saving my life, I mean."

She smiled and brushed a lock of hair behind her ear. "It's what we're here for, Mr Jeon."

She left, leaving behind a silence so big nobody knew how to fill. Seungcheol tried several times to say something, but only managed to open and close his mouth, probably not knowing what to say. Wonwoo used to feel embarrassed crying in front of friends, he never liked crying in front of his family, but he couldn't control it this time. He just let the tears flow and let his stomach, head, and heart hurt and ache, because what else could he do?

"I think I'm gonna sleep now," he said quietly, receiving murmurs of agreement and comforting words.

"Jihoon and Junhui is on their way, Wonwoo. They'll be here when you wake up," Jisoo said and pulled the blanket tighter around Wonwoo. "And we called your parents when we noticed signs of you waking up, so they'll be here too."

Wonwoo nodded and closed his eyes. He had a headache and his eyes were swollen and red, and thinking of it, his whole body hurt. His legs especially, and he opened one eye he saw his legs both in a cast.

"Soonyoung? What happened with my legs?" He murmured. Soonyoung bit his lips, unsure and sad.

"Your legs got injured pretty seriously, but don't worry! The doctors said before that if you woke up you had good odds of legs recovering completely."

Wonwoo closed his eyes again, feeling a swarm of emotions all at once. Physical pain, his legs throbbing dully. His heart hurting in his chest, and even more when he hears the steady _thump thump_ that his husband and daughter never had. His head was aching, feeling like someone beating him with a gigantic hammer and splitting his head in two. He felt his chest suffocate with emptiness when he thought about Mingyu and Jooeun. He didn't want to exist in a world where Mingyu and Jooeun didn't, so he did the only thing you could do when wanting to be completely out of touch with reality; he dreamt himself to a better place.

 

* * *

  

Wonwoo was discharged from the hospital a few weeks later with his parents there to drive him home. None of his friends were there since it was the middle of the day on a Wednesday, but they sent him encouraging texts with a lot of smileys to him. He scrolled through them under the car drive to his parent's house, his childhood home. Their sweet messages about him being safe, take care and a promise of a get-together made him smile. His mother's voice snapped him out from his own thoughts.

"Wonwoo, honey, you'll have to sleep in the guest room because you can't go up stairs yet. We can get your things from your room, or we can buy new things if you want or we can get stuff from our neighbours..." Mrs. Jeon said with a slight frown and looked at her son of the corner of her eye without taking her eyes from the road.

Wonwoo sighed, knowing that she meant well. "Mom, it's okay. I'll be fine with my old stuff."

"Okay, okay," she nodded and dropped it. Soon they arrived at their house, and Wonwoo got help from his dad to get to the house. He looked up at the big house with a sense of nostalgia. This was where he lived for eighteen years, and it brought up so many memories to the surface. Him playing with a chubby-cheeked, little Soonyoung in his small tree-house, playing hide and seek. Him sitting in the backyard and looking up at the blue sky with a smile on his face, because everything felt very simple and uncomplicated. He also thought of that lacking feeling in his childhood, that feeling he had noticed was back now. Without Mingyu, it was back in full force.

Speaking of Mingyu, being at his childhood home with Mingyu and Jooeun was actually the latest memory of Wonwoo being there. Well, not memory exactly, because it wasn't real, but still. It was around when Jooeun was seven months they visited with her because Wonwoo wanted her to grow familiar with the house that they would visit many times in the future. Mingyu and Wonwoo, the still inexperienced and stressed parents, walked in with smiles on their faces and Jooeun in their arms. Wonwoo's parents had been delighted to see their grandchild again, squeaking of joy and almost taking Jooeun away as soon as she was in their reach. They cooed at her, talked with silly voices and kissed her cheeks. Wonwoo and Mingyu had stood beside them, both being happy that their child was so loved by her grandparents.

Wonwoo looked at his parents now with sadness, knowing that they had never held his daughter in their arms with such happiness. Knowing that they had never met his husband, which they both, of course, loved. Because they weren't real.

It hurt and he didn't want to think about it anymore so he turned his gaze to the ground when he was walking with his crutches to his room, where he shut himself in. His parents knocked and asked if he wanted anything, but he just laid on his bed, staring up at his roof and wishing for Mingyu and Jooeun to be there.

 

* * *

 

saudade  
(n.) a profound, nostalgic longing to be near again to something or someone that is distant, or that has been loved and then lost; "the love that remains."

 

* * *

 

Wonwoo went to physical therapy almost every day in the week, working with a personal trainer from the hospital to regain the strength in his legs. While being in that coma for four months, his legs had healed pretty well, so he was able to do physical therapy just after a few weeks. His brain had also been injured during the crash, so he went to speech therapy once a week too. He also went to regular therapy, with a shrink and all that. On top of that, he took a lot of pills, both for his pain and the anxiety. He was feeling just peachy.

He talked to his parents about what he wanted to do with college since he had already missed five months of the year now, and while they assured him that he could just start the year over and repeat it, he told them he didn't want to be a doctor anymore. When they asked him what he wanted to do instead, he said, _I want to start a restaurant._ His parents protested. _But honey, do you even know_ anything _about cooking meals at all?_ and _Running your own company can be tough, are you sure you want that?_.

He told them it was fine and he really wanted it, and he didn't say why he wanted it and his parents respected his choice, but he felt like it was a way to remember his and Mingyu's life together. Even if it wasn't real.

So, he enrolled in a business and marketing class at the same college to the fall, when the doctors said he would be almost fully recovered. He smiled and thought of SEVENTEEN restaurant. He thought of his proposal, and his friends there, and how much Mingyu loved that restaurant. It was basically his baby, besides Jooeun. It wouldn't get Mingyu back to him, but it was a way to remember and cherish his life and his friends. To make him just a little closer to Mingyu, their life, Jooeun. To feel somewhat happy again, even if he knew that he wouldn't ever be fully happy again.

 

* * *

 

There were times Wonwoo couldn't get out of bed, locked in his own frantic and anxious head and being unable to snap out of it. There were times when all he could do was stare at his roof and let his tears fall on the pillow quietly. There were times when Wonwoo's demons chased him through nightmares after nightmares, and he would wake up in cold sweat and reach out for Mingyu, only to no one beside him, the usual warm body missing and leaving only coldness. If he was real, Mingyu would wake up when Wonwoo shook his slowly awake, despite sleeping like a log sometimes, and put his arms around him, whispering comforting words and telling how much he loved him. The thought made Wonwoo cry even more.

There were times when Wonwoo would wake up in the middle of the night, hearing a child's crying. He would sit up and call out Jooeun's name and start to cry when her wailing increased, not being able to go and comfort her because even in his almost asleep state he knew she wasn't really there.

His friends visited often, every weekend if they had the chance. They came with supermarket pie, books they thought Wonwoo would like, warm jumpers and a lot of hugs. He always felt a little better when they were over, and sometimes he asked them to stay the night. They all looked surprised before answering with cheerful _yes!_ s and genuine smiles. His childhood friends and his college friends, like in the coma-life, got along excellently, but Wonwoo felt the loss of Mingyu and their friends at the restaurant. The group didn't feel complete, the absence of six people painfully aware to Wonwoo.

 

* * *

  

The months dragged by and soon enough Wonwoo was psychically better. It was summer, hot and humid air greeting him everywhere he went, and Wonwoo could now walk down the street without any help from his friends or crutches. He was proud of himself. His speech had gotten better too and he found the words easier to find. So that stuff was good. But the nightmares still visited every night, and his heart felt as heavy as always. He missed Mingyu and Jooeun every day, wishing and crying and begging them to come back. He felt like if he thought about Mingyu and Jooeun not being there too long, he would go crazy. So he tried not thinking at all. Some days it worked. Some days it didn't.

He had gotten a tiny better mentally, though, but that was mostly because he now could walk again. He didn't spend his summer like people his age did; going to clubs every night and drinking until they passed out, traveling to different exotic countries or settling down with a boyfriend or girlfriend. No, he spent time with his friends and preparing for his course the next semester. He actually felt excited to get back to college and be on his path to opening his and Mingyu's restaurant. He knew how he would decorate it, make the menus, registrate the name, hire people and get more costumers. All because of Mingyu.

Soon enough the semester started and the leaves on the trees were coloring orange, yellow and red. It was beautiful and Wonwoo enjoyed the sight very much, often taking long walks by himself or with one of his friends.

At the start of the semester, he was assigned to a roommate named Jeongguk, who Wonwoo liked. He was a sarcastic little shit sometimes, but really sweet and funny too. Wonwoo had a feeling that Mingyu would have liked him. He had a feeling that Jeongguk would have been good with Jooeun, too, judging by his childish, happy laugh and the way he seemed confident and happy about himself.

It was a day in late September when Wonwoo walked to buy coffee at the coffee shop where he first met Mingyu in the coma dream. His heart tightened when he was handed his cup of coffee by a broad-shoulder man with pink hair instead of a boy with brown hair and a canine smile. He ignored the feeling in his chest and thanked the barista before exiting the coffee shop. Wonwoo had already a group project and a couple of assignments to work on, so he began walking straight back to campus.

He was just minding his own business, thinking of warm autumn nights spent with lazy kisses and a warm body next to his under the covers, when he crossed a corner and bumped into someone. Wonwoo heard a _thump_ of two bodies colliding, and suddenly he felt something hot on his chest; he tried not to scream at the person right there, both because he was irritated and also because that was some _really_ hot coffee. He didn't, though, because the stranger squeaked and apologized right away and tried to soak up the coffee with a scarf. He was about to tell the stranger that _it's okay, please stop making such a big deal_ , when he looked up and his blood froze.

In front of him stood a tall, brown-haired man that Wonwoo would recognize anywhere; Kim Mingyu. The sight took Wonwoo's breath away. Mingyu apologized profoundly with that high-pitched voice of his he got when he was stressed while trying to soak up the coffee. Hot coffee forgotten, Wonwoo looked at the man. He looked just like he did when Wonwoo first met him, in the coma-dream: his hair a light brown, skin tan and canine teeth poking out when he started talking.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to! I was just on my way to the coffee shop, I desperately need coffee right now because I've got this huge assignment due in a few days, and anyways I didn't look where I was going and I'm dumb and I'm once again really sorry..." Mingyu rambled, and Wonwoo let him. He had missed Mingyu so much, his voice, his face, his smile, his little quirks, and habits, so he wasn't about to interrupt him talking. His heart was pounding painfully hard and his legs felt wobbly but he wouldn't have it any other way.

When Mingyu finishes his long apology, Wonwoo laughed. He laughed because he's missed him so _fucking_ much and he's here, somehow, Wonwoo's sure that this is real life and he just met his husband again and he doesn't know what else to do. Mingyu didn't seem to be scared off or weirded out by the nearly hysterical laugh, instead, his mouth pulled upwards, as on reflex to Wonwoo laughing.

"It's okay," Wonwoo said after he calmed down, still in a hysterical happy but unbelievable state. Mingyu ducked his head, still embarrassed by the whole situation.

"Can I make it up to you? Maybe I can replace your coffee, and buy an ice cream we can share...?" Mingyu tried to flirt, voice all confident but the bashful way he looked at Wonwoo betraying him. Wonwoo doesn't think he's ever seen anything as beautiful. _This is real, this is real, this is real somehow..._ It's like a mantra repeating in his head.

"I can't think of anything better," he said earnestly. Mingyu offered his hand and Wonwoo shook it. Mingyu's smile was bright enough to light up the entire world, and this time Wonwoo was determined to witness that smile on his face forever.

"Kim Mingyu," he introduced himself.

"Jeon Wonwoo. I think we're gonna like each other, Mingyu."

Wonwoo smiled, feeling all the possibilities and new memories and love they would create together in his chest growing. He was finally content, on a cold September day with hot coffee all over him. He knew that even if they'd be separated again, they would find their way back to each other. Soulmates tend to find each other in every universe. This was just another universe, in which Mingyu and Wonwoo had taken a detour but still ended up in the same place. He hoped that Jooeun would come along too, that he would see her again.

Wonwoo smiled, because they had all the time in the world.

**Author's Note:**

> anyone else left with a huge existential crisis after this fic? come scream at me in the comments or on my [twitter](https://twitter.com/mingyumakesmyov/), where I post totally top quality seventeen content (read: just screaming and shitposting seventeen).


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